U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
