i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
