I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
