if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
