Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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