oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
