It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
