well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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