Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
