i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
