Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
