If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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