i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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