well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Randomize
