The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
