So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
