i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
