You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
