About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
