You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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