i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
