i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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