Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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