Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
