I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
