He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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