This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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