I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
