we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
