i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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