So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
my shit smells like andre
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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