the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
