i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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