Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
