I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
not ubering you a puppy
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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