i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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