you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
