What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
