I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i need an iv and a liver transplant
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
