I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
