You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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