R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
