I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
