Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
