I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
