Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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