do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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