You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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