I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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