he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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